Me versus Reality TV

I've come to grips with the fact that I would never make it onto a reality show.  I can't sing, I dislike cooking, I'm adventureous as long as it's a clear cut trail, and I'm not tall enough for modeling.  But I made up some shows that I could compete on and the auditions for such shows:

#1: American Math Tutor Idol:

Randy:  That proof that the angles of a triangle must add to 180 degrees was HOT, dawg, HOT!

Kara: if ever I need a math buddy, I'm comin' to YOU!

Paula: I enjoy your essence of multiplicative identities, I feel the love coming straight from your soul.

Simon:  The numerator explanation was atrocious but the common denominator was brilliant!

#2:  Microwaving in the Kitchen:

Chef dude who yells at everyone:  "Jena, this soup is too hot!  Do the next bowl for only 47 seconds instead of 60!  NOW!"

#3:  America's Next Top Punctual Individual:

Tyra:  This photo of you arriving 3 minutes early is so fashionable.  You have just what it takes to sit right in the front row!"

#4: Survivor: Three kids screaming in the kitchen because they don't want (insert whatever food you want here) for lunch.  

Ok, so this show I really didn't mean to volunteer for ... and let's just say the experience was ... ahh ... life changing.  But I did survive and live to tell about it, but that's what "Survivor" is all about - isn't it?  At least I get to eat whatever I make and not bugs, leaves, and dirt.