Over the years I've identified myself with several tv characters. The first, and most painful, was Winnie the Poo's Rabbit. Rabbit, in stark contrast to Winnie's "go wherever and do whatever whenever, just happy to have honey" personality, Rabbit was more scheduled, conscious of her duties, and let's be honest, uptight.
I only realized I was just like Rabbit during an episode when Rabbit planned a party for her large extended family. It started out rightfully enough in my opinion. Rabbit decided to host a party. Rabbit made a list of necessary items for the party. Rabbit created a time schedule for herself (himself?) for the party. Rabbit started getting ready on time, Rabbit followed her schedule dutifully, Rabbit was preparing properly for the party.
The problem came when the large extended family arrived 2 hours early for the party. They came in hopping all over her house and began having a great party.
Rabbit freaked out. Rabbit, it seems, is not very flexible with her lists. I watched as she tried to explain that she wasn't done cleaning, wasn't finished baking, and wasn't finished checking items off her list. As this happened, I became very aware that I was NOT a Winnie the Poo, I was a Rabbit.
At this point I would have been ok with my newfound inner self-discovery. I reasoned some people are more organized ... there's no harm in that. I justified that life couldn't be run on the fly or you end up stuck in a hole - covered in honey - needing help from all your friends - all the time.
But I began to cry as I watched Rabbit lock all the cute party bunnies into the spare room, claiming she just needed her other 2 hours before the party could start and they could wait until it was properly ready. They ended up having the party without her in those two hours in the spare room and left about the time she figured the party was finally ready to go.
Fast forward eight or ten years to today. Somehow the stars have aligned and my compulsion to follow my list didn't kick in. My anxiety over what is to be done and by what time didn't wake up with me. So now that it's the end of the day, I'm looking back with amazement that the sun will actually rise in the morning without all stress and preparation I seem to think is required.
Ok, so we were 10-15 minutes late for church. And the kitchen is covered in dishes. And that it's 10:29 p.m. and no one is asleep yet, but by some mysterious force, I feel calm and unconcerned. I know that we had brownies after dinner, that Susanna has hugged me 18 times today, and that each child has felt safe and loved.
Tomorrow will likely dawn with my need to get things done (and done now!) intact. But for tonight, right now, I'm grateful for a peaceful day where I (metaphorically as Rabbit) put down her list (ok it's lists - plural) and simply enjoyed a party with family.
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